1st Dose: Love & Beauty
My puppy, Richie, pawed at my arm. It was 6:10am. The dog trainer would arrive in a few hours. I’ll have enough time to sort out Rich and start my psilocybin microdose with a mini ceremony, I thought.
On my desk, overlooking the Medellín mountainside, I lit some copal and laid out my Rapé.
The microdose of psilocybin came as a chocolate. One chocolate = 280 mg of psilocybin. I cut the chocolate in half and placed it on the window ledge (given my sensitivity to mushrooms on previous trips I decided to start slow).
I ingested the Rapé and let her work. After sitting with the sensation, I started my breathwork followed by a prayer of sorts – asking the mushrooms for guidance. By 7am I had eaten the chocolate.
Around 40 minutes later, I felt the mushrooms working in my body. I liken the sensation to coming up on MDMA. The energy rising through the chest and sharp feeling in the throat. When the dog trainer arrived, I was feeling the effects. I bent down to put the harness on Richie and my face flushed. I was feeling it, but there were no fractals or colours or anything trippy happening.
We went outside and I had an overwhelming feeling of love in my body.
My housemate Alex came into my room. “Mate”, I said. “Look how beautiful those clouds on the mountains are.” He laughed. Mushrooms or no mushrooms, they are beautiful.
Then something peculiar happened. A fly landed on my yellow candle on the window ledge. I saw every detail of her body. The red ring around her bulbous eyes. The veins in her transparent wings. The way her thread thin legs caressed her body. What a beautiful creature. I relaxed into my work with more appreciation for life’s finer details.
2nd Dose: Breathwork Insights
It’s a national holiday today in Colombia (don’t ask me what for – they have so many!). The city is calm. No street vendors, cars, or chatter on the streets outside my window. It’s been 2 hours since I took the micro dose and I feel as calm as the city. I feel light. I feel love flowing through my body as if I’d unblocked something in her path.
This time, I decided to try breath work. I’d heard breathwork (I use the Owaken virtual studio) + micro dosing = DMT like trips. Not this time, but I did get some messages come through:
I am a creator
I am the creator of my life
And to take action on an idea I wish to create.
I sat back at my desk, opened up YouTube, and hoped the algorithm would serve me something interesting. I paused. Why? Why do I have to constantly stimulate my brain? Why can’t I just be?
I closed the lid of my mac.
I let myself be.
3rd Dose: Ego-less rolls
This morning, something strange happened. I took the micro dose as usual, but this time I trained Jiu-Jitsu straight after. Thirty minutes into the session, the sensation hit me. It came on stronger than before. The energy in my body. The acidic burn in my chest. The lightness in my mind. I sucked in some deep nose breaths and reassured myself it’s all good. To go with the flow.
Later in the class, we started to roll (that’s combat if you’re unfamiliar with the sport). Each rolling session my body surges with adrenaline. Even though it’s a safe environment, my natural instincts kick in. And, of course, I don’t want to be dominated. I want to win – or at least not get embarrassed in front of my professor.
But today, I was rolling with a carefreeness I’d not felt before. I wasn’t seeking approval from my coach – a behaviour I’m now aware of and recovering from. I even wanted my training partner to put me in difficult positions. So they can improve their attacking game and so I could work on defence. You’d like rolling to always be like that, but in a battle (of sorts), in front of your peers, ego can step in. This session, I felt as if my ego had been left off the mat with my flip-flops and water bottle. I hope to bring this mentality into all my rolls without our fungi friends.
4th Dose: Love making on shrooms
I dropped the 4th dose 50 metres from the beach in Bahía Solano – on the pacific coast of Colombia. I walked barefoot across the dark, wet sand with my then girlfriend.
After 30 minutes, the psilocybin started to work. The usual feeling; a slight acidic burn in the upper chest/ throat. This time it came on even stronger. Much stronger. We went back to the cabin to lie down. I’m not gonna lie, psilocybin makes me horny, and I was keen to experience making love on the loving compound. It did not disappoint. I felt surges of dopamine like I’d never felt before. Like 2 fat lines of the white stuff, but natural and truthful.
Loving, caring, oneness. Love engulfed my body in the warmest of embraces. Ecstasy rushed my nervous system. I felt alive and nothing at the same time. After, I laid back with my eyes closed marvelling in the beauty of our existence. The pleasure, the pain.The perfect imperfection.
5th Dose: Finding the healing path. Again.
I’ve been feeling off. As if I’d lost my way on the healing path I’d found last year. My thoughts have become darker. And by darker I mean, thinking it would be easier not to live. So, yeah, not the most positive right now. Why am I having these thoughts? Well, I think it’s because I feel stuck. Stuck in an unfulfilling job. Financially I don’t feel safe. And I may have to leave the country I love, Colombia. Oh, and I have a puppy I need to support amidst all this shit storm. Am I right to feel stuck? So negative? I don’t know. Maybe I’m playing the victim again. Probably. I just can’t seem to snap out of it.
Anyway, my intention for today’s microdose: help show me a path to healing.
Maybe I’ve stumbled my way back onto it. My friends had been trying to convince me to go to Putumayo to drink Ayahuasca during the summer solstice. Today I booked the tickets. For some reason I looked at flights. I’d been thinking about it, but I’ve finally committed. The flight time was 11:11… how could I not?
6th Dose: Closing the cycle
My 6th and final dose. Next week I travel to Putumayo for the summer solstice and two Ayahuasca ceremonies. As you’d expect, it’s not wise to mix the two compounds. And, apparently, Ayahuasca can get jealous of our fungi friends. So, for now, I’m ending my first cycle.
Anyway, the dose was subtle. I took my puppy, Richie, out for a long walk with a friend. I felt our bond strengthening. Like any relationship, it’s built on trust. And he trusts me a little more each day. I didn’t need the mushrooms to tell me that.
